Reflection

Through the eyes of my father,
I am nothing but a reflection.
I take your name, fit in your shoes,
run in it to find myself.

To the chalk marks on the board, the lines that defined me,
you taught me the right, the wrong and the patience.
Wise your words, the chalk on my hand,
I sketch the future.

Identifying the women in me, I see what you feel, what you fear.
I agree, I disagree, I have an understanding of myself.
I need no liberation, no empowerment,
here, I may loose anything but my pride.

To the choices I make, to the people I forgive,
to the places I go and the places I walk away from,
shifting are my perceptions, but not of myself.
Firm yet delicate, frivolous yet sensible, moments of happiness
slack-line it has been, the existence.

To every path I may take, some sharp turns they may be,
the lines I may cross, the lines I may draw,
the love I may get and the ones I may loose,
nothing but the consequences shall remain,
the reflections of me, a tomb stone in the end.

House

We built a house together to live in,
foundation till the bright red chimney.
Every brick we lay were from our love,
the paint to resemble the color of trust.

A study for you, a library for me,
a fireplace where we met to talk about stars.
Two strings played in the back,
while I curled to the warmth,
we were happy as we could be.

Then came the lies and secrets,
we walked through it,
if we have trust we have everything, we said.
To walk one day and find the disrespect,
I walked out from the house to find me.

But lost are me in those rooms that do not see light,
I come back every once in a while to collect me from it.
But to see that you are gone, not any of your stuffs there
makes me question if it ever was something we built together.

So I wonder and think if the house is worth saving,
may be its time to abandon it,
although each brick we lay brings memories,
am I to steal these brick to build a house of my own,
or to leave it there where it lies, as if it has no value.

The new place is empty, stone walls at bay
No fire place because it burns my soul
A room with a window to glace the hopes of rising sun.
At the horizon, I see the unacknowledged house I once called home.

In pursuit of happiness

Was it the first chicken curry
or the bite and an eventual dig into rasbari
my first moments of happiness, were these treats
to eyes, mouth and heart

The sound of rain, the eventual dancing drain
Kishor Kumar in radio, hot tea the duo
the aroma it brought to the air, the sound the smell
to ear, nose, skin and soul, were my growing up happy moments

The first hike, the first flight,
the wind in the air, invisible wings, the sudden lift,
the passion and love for travel and independence
happy moments were those of discovery of self

An education, internship, working with machines,
a consistence, hunger for knowledge,
coffee in the side table, a sigh of relief
creating models, creating happiness I was in nutshells

the first holding of hands, the whistling of the winds
the strums of guitars, sundress in the park
smiling shy because I felt beautiful
apparently I gave my happiness to somebody else

Now that I have me, my loneliness and my pursuit of happiness
to say I can't go on without you is a lie, not at all in my shyness
I go back to the chicken curry, the songs, the downpour,
the yellow sundress, the passion of work and to childhood

Never did i realize before that little thing were the ones that brought me happiness
The smile of the loved one, an experiment in the kitchen
hot chocolate in cold day, the smell of festival
the blossoming of new friendship and the euphoria of old ones
grateful for the universe I have, forever and beyond

Significance

As I pass from one breath to another
I wonder what the future holds
In these brief moment its me and my thoughts

Cessation is all I need,
To cease to think, to cease to breathe for once
To feel alive, to be with me

Disagreement, conflict and anger
It seeps in me, torn between head and heart
In past, present and future

Like the reflection in the still water,
I am nothing but shadow of my becoming
As I disturb the surface of it, I wonder if I can scramble my thoughts

Agitated, rippled, drowned, held by the breath
I wonder if I can ever flow to, to my destiny, the sea of knowledge
To be deadened to the howling of the wind and the cold

Underneath I stay, to relinquish my wanderlust
Although there is all that, I am fine though
I just happen to have been lost in me

Lost in my inhibition, lost are those feelings that I hid somewhere
nowhere to be found, numb although I am, I am fine though.
For conflict is also a step to discovery

I lay there and say,
if you want to build confidence, start winning
if you want to build character, start loosing

I think I am prepared to loose and learn
to step out of the re-inventive womb of comfort
to be significant, chasing to find who I am

Fine Lines

A walk on the snowy trail

we wanted the embrace of heat,
but the heart-warming smiles
were what that kept us going.

We had fine lines, hence to go or not to go

To think we held on to accidental touch,
To want to say "don't go", but we left
To the storm that life threw at us

Stormy noise, I could not hear myself

I calmed myself in your voice

no words, no touch, the energy I felt

calm I was, yet my heartbeat increased

True emotions, becoming of me

nakedness it was, your eyes on my soul.
A unison, beyond the holding of hands.
Ethereal, a new adventure.

I could feel the mountain, the river, 

the smell of the nature. 

Naturally I felt closer to you

I felt home, a piece of heaven 

Unkindness, thank you for showing kindness,
didn't remember when I got that attention
But guilty I am, sorry for breaking your heart.
Something borrowed were those beautiful moments

Hope we meet in a place, where we have no religion,

no reservation, no land and sea to separate us.
Only a bliss of the fleeing moment, I will see you there.

To remember that for a brief moment, our hearts did beat together.

I am not sorry that we missed it,
I am just glad it happened.
Although it happened too late,
finite times and fine lines it was where we walked.

The sea is alone

The wind can only brush it,
no fragrance it does carry
the sea is always alone

Hustles and bustles
sand and pebbles
No one does really answer
the sea is always alone

Engulfs the proud sun
reflects the wide sky
Widens the passing night light
but the sea is always alone

So much it says with its
wild wild wave
Once in the sea, there is nothing but void
only deafening emptiness

Like seeping the sorrow, the river of tears
all runs towards it, even snow, an essence of it
may dream to run, run away but will return home to the sea
and yet the sea is always alone

No fire can touch, no air can carry it all
With so much to offer
longing and belonging to all
yet I don't know why the sea is always alone

Breathless

Gazing lost in the city, I see you across the crowd

You, your signature leather jacket, tilted smile and crossed hands

It had been a while since I had seen you,

I wait to see if it is you, if I daydreamed

As soon as I know it is you, I run, run away

To my bubble, the home, to the place no one can hurt me

But my walls are far away, I run, I turn and there you are

closer and closer, I feel my heart beating, you made me feel

The loss of proximity, your perseverance

"I shall never let go", those voices resonate 

"I know,

 never will I find someone like you"

And there you were inch to inch,

trying to hold hands, I retaliate, 

"I shall hurt you", I said

"What hurts more is not be able to call you mine"

I turn to run, and as I do

I turn to see emptiness, 

Empty sheets and cold heart.

A dream it was.

Seems like I held on to nothing but thin air

You were the air, your words weightless

You hit me like a whirlwind, a hurricane,

and now I am out of breath